OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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