I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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