I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize