So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
