So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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