I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He felt like a one man threesome
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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