those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
