I could have mohawked her pubes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
