ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize