My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
