i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
