I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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