dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
