I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize