I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
