it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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