I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
