these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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