these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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