is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
