After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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