is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
