I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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