3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
its not stalking. its research.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize