P.S. I can't hear my feet
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
