he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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