Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
