And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
