I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
