I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
