It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize