everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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