How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
