How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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