why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
