So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
