Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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