I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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