this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize