He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
