you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
