Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he fucked my hip out of place.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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