Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
