I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
