I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
