all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
