On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
