her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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