It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
