I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
