We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
