your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
