So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
