drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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