Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You made out with two different species that night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize