i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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