her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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