you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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