And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
