my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
