ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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