Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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