just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
