my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
