Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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