Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize