i permit you to call me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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