So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
