Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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