we have officially lost it.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
