I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
