you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
