Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
