i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if only i could text you this smell
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
